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Marvel solicitations for Kabuki and Powers are probably going to make somebody mad:

“The Alchemy” Pt. 1
It’s a new start for Kabuki and the perfect jumping-on issue for new readers! When you are a former operative for a Japanese agency, how do you start a new life? You’ve heard about all the awards… You’ve heard everyone talking about why Kabuki is so amazing and mind-blowing… Now is the chance to see what all the talk is about! From the award-winning writer and artist of Daredevil that brought you “Parts of a Hole,” “Wake Up,” and “Echo,” this new series marks the 10th anniversary of Kabuki and features a special chronology of Kabuki’s early beginnings, including never-before-published Kabuki art by Brian Michael Bendis.

All-new first issue!! Homicide Detectives Christian Walker and Deena Pilgrim investigate superpower murders. And with all powers declared illegal, a crime wave has hit the city and hit hard. From the writer of some of your favorite Marvel comics (Ultimate Spider-Man, Daredevil, Secret War), comes a brand-new chapter from the award-winning book that put him on the map.

Can you believe that? “From the award-winning writer and artist of Daredevil”??? “From the writer of some of your favorite Marvel comics”??? Now all the stupid Marvel Zombies will buy these books for no good reason and the comics industry will drive me to hang myself after slitting my wrists!

Yeah, and does Chris Claremont have a clause in his special X-Men contract that specifies every third cover of a comic book he writes must feature a mysterious villain standing over the fallen bodies of the X-Men? You’d think at some point some villain would think, “Damn, here I am standing over the fallen bodies of the X-Men, why don’t I just kill the bastards and be done with it?” But apparently this never occurs to them, which is why they’re villains—because we all know Good Guys always win, so you must be stupid to be a Bad Guy.

Uncanny X-Men #446

You know this Powerless comic, the one that’s a What If? story but I guess we’re not calling them that anymore?

By re-imagining Marvel’s most popular characters without superhuman powers, this series will strip these heroes to their core, exploring what it means to be a hero in very human terms.

What if Matt Murdock, Peter Parker, and Logan didn’t have powers, would they still be heroes or would they just be like a regular lawyer, a regular student/photographer, and a regular amnesiac Canadian or whatever the fuck Logan is? You know, considering Logan was born about 150 years ago or so, if he weren’t a mutant then wouldn’t he be dead? I bet Wolverine’s subplot in Powerless is that you just get page after page of his tombstone.

No, actually, judging by the cover image below, Logan’s answer to the question “What does it mean to be a hero?” is “Claws!”

Powerless #2

Read more amusing commentary on Marvel solicits from John Jakala!

Hey, wait… Powerless? That sounds an awful lot like Powers… Could it be? It’s another Identity Disc, except this time Marvel is stealing from itself! Will the evil never end? Why does Larry Young even bother publishing good comics when they have to share shelf space with Marvel crap?


  1. Rose says:

    Actually, the worst part is “When you are a former operative for a Japanese agency, how do you start a new life? You’ve heard about all the awards…” You’ve changed the subject of your sentences! You need to learn to use personal pronouns consistently or your solicitations will make no sense! But I guess that last bit’s inevitable anyway.

    — 21 April 2004 at 1:54 pm (Permalink)

  2. Shane says:

    I’m a geek. Thats Sage one of the X-men, not a bad guy. Anyway, yeah I thought the covers to the Icon titles were pretty lame with all the text that said From the Writer of Daredevil all over the cover. It looked like an ad instead of some of the beautiful covers we’ve seen from Powers so far.

    — 21 April 2004 at 3:12 pm (Permalink)

  3. Steven says:

    In fact, it’s Sage mind-controlled by an evil something or other! An alien cybernetic lifeform.

    I was being facetious about the Icon solicitations, just poking fun at people can’t stand the thought of Marvel Zombies buying their beloved books. You’re right, though the Powers are a bit overkill. On the other hand, maybe Marvel think some of their readers actually don’t know the name of the writer of Daredevil and need to be informed. You just never know with those Marvel Zombies!

    — 21 April 2004 at 4:25 pm (Permalink)

  4. Shane says:

    Oh the covers aren’t stopping me from buying them though. I have the whole run of both books and I’m not anti Marvel or anything. I got that you were being facetious too. I just thought it was funny everywhere you looked it “From the writer of…” Heh.

    Keep up the good blogging!

    — 22 April 2004 at 5:08 am (Permalink)

  5. Josh Lukin says:

    I just assumed that the figure standing over the fallen X-Men was going to kill them, but that serial-universe-destroying thingy from Captain Britain, whaddayacallit, the Fury? was catching up to her before she had a chance to do it (Don’t mean to engage in geekupmanship or anything –just finding that all my non-trivia-holding neurons are fried tonight).

    — 28 April 2004 at 4:55 am (Permalink)